This came from Crinkle, by way of Ombra who got it from Steph.
The Weird Ass Survey of Stephness
1.What's your name, yo?
Clint, but if you call me a name that's relatively close, I will answer.
2.And how old are you?
3.And what's the worst thing you've ever been called?
I can't recall. At my age, insulting names just kind of fade into the background noise.
4.Did you deserve it?
If I could recall a "worst thing", I would probably have to say "yes".
5.Have you ever been arrested?
6.If yes, what for, you criminal, you?
See above answer. I don't go out enough to get into trouble. :P
7.Mac or PC?
PC at home, Mac at work
8.What's the best concert you've ever seen?
Pearl Jam, Atlanta GA, August 7, 2000.
9.Were you in any way under the influence at that concert?
High on life, baby! High... on... life.
10.If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be, and why?
I'd be Richard Simmons. He just seems to be really energetic, and I...
I mean, I'd be a kiwi fruit. Fuzzy on the outside, smooth on the inside. And I'd be used at a lot of parties and receptions.
11.What's the worst prank you've ever played on someone?
I guess it was the Halloween when my brother, cousin and I took a bucket of mud and cow poop and smeared peoples' cars in the neighborhood. It was Halloween and I was 13.
12.How did they get you back?
Well, they didn't get us back so much as punish us by cleaning their cars.
13.You are having lunch with any three people, living or dead. (The dead ones will be magically revived for the purposes of lunch.) Who is on your guest list?
Oscar Wilde, Bill Clinton, and Herbert the janitor from USCA.
14.You have to flee the country you live in for political reasons. Where do you flee to?
15.Who was your favorite Beatle? (If you say Ringo, please, stop now.)
16.What's your favorite song to sing in the shower?
Heaven on their Minds (from JC Superstar).
17.Have you ever done drugs?
Yes I did.
18.Or did the drugs do you?
19.You have to be marooned on a desert island with any rock group. Who do you want it to be?
20.And if it came down to it, which one would you eat first?
21.What's your favorite t-shirt slogan?
Frankie say "Relax!" (does this date me? I think it does.)
22.You are declared President. What are your first three acts of office?
1. Unilaterally disarm our nuclear arsenal.
2. Restore the Fairness in Broadcasting act.
3. Make every second Tuesday of the month "Naked Day".
23.You are going to an "I Love the 80s" party. It has been required that you attend in costume. Who do you go as?
24.How many decimal places of pi do you know?
25.Where's the kinkiest place you've ever gotten it on?
My living room couch (I know, I know, not very "kinky", but that's my limited sex life talkin')
26.Do you know all the lyrics to your national anthem?
Of the first verse, yes.
27.Do you know any of the lyrics to REM's "End of the World As We Know It" other than "Leonard Bernstein" and the chorus?
Lessee... That's great it starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes and aeroplanes, and Lenny Bruce is not afraid...
I could go on, but not today.
28.You can have your way with three of the famously beautiful people. Who will be sharing your bed this night?
Yikers! Frankly, I don't need any of the beautiful people (Natasha Lyonne) I have all I need at home with my honey. (Julia Roberts) You can keep your so-called "beautiful people"; I'll take Kathy Truett. (and a side order of Jennifer Garner)
29.You decide to become Goth. Which kind? Are you a Cure/ Smiths fan, a Bauhaus/Joy Division fan, a Type O Negative/Tool fan, or a Marilyn Manson fan?
I'd probably be a Type-O/Tool fan, though I would probably listen to all of the above at one point or the other.
30.You are suddenly a 13 year old girl.
HOLY CRAP! How did that happen??!?
Do you surround yourself with Britney, Christina, or Jessica Simpson albums? (Yes, that is all we want to know about you as a 13 year old girl.)
Do I HAVE to pick one of them? *sigh* I guess I'd be a Britney girl if forced into these, although my inner 13-year old craves Avril Lavigne.
31.You get the creative urge to paint your room. What color?
A nice shade of blue.
32.What is your favorite sleeping position?
Right side, semi-fetal, holding Kathy.
33.Who has Ben's pants?
Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!
34.What book do you want to crawl inside and exist in?
35.What's the weirdest thing you've ever made a bet over?
I was in a poker game once and jokingly put my friend's fiancee up as ante. I "lost" her to another friend of mine. Less than a year later, she was with the guy that won her.
36.What's the biggest loss you've ever suffered because of a bet?
All my clothes. Don't ask.
37.What three albums do you always want with you?
Only three, eh? OK then... "Abbey Road", "Ten", "Living in Clip"
38.What will the movie based on your life be called?
39.Do you believe in ghosts?
I'd like to, but no.
The drink? Yes. The undead coming back to eat human brains? Nuh-uh.
Only in London.
The question is, does she believe in me?
45.What's the craziest date you've ever had?
I got a flat tire once on a date.
46.What's the sexiest movie you've ever seen, aside from out-and-out porn, you pervy bastard?
I gotta say it was probably "Wild Things". I can't really think of an out-and-out "Sexy" movie that turned me on, so I'll go with this one.
47.You can date any poet that's ever lived. Who gets to woo you with their verse?
Female poets? What do I have to work with here? Lessee... there Emily Dickinson, Gertrude Stein, Sylvia Plath... can someone help me out here?
48.What's your favorite profanity?
Shit. So many ways to say it, so little time.
49.What five Xangans do you most want to go drinking with?
Ummm, ummmmm, well, I've been drinkin' with four of them that I know, so I'll list Josh, Crink, Ombra, Kathy. After that, I'd have to say the8rgrrl.
50.What five do you most want to play paintball with?
See above list.
51.What five do you want to go out for a fancy dinner with?
See above, again. However, I would suggest they all come over to my house for a cookout.
52.You just robbed a bank. What's your ideal getaway vehicle?
Well, with my luck, I'm gonna get caught, so I'll say an ice cream truck, strictly for humor value.
53.How much older than you was the oldest person you've dated?
54.Did it feel pervy?
Hell yeah, it did. But I got over it and now we're engaged to be married.
55.What's your favorite place on earth? (Geographically speaking here, people.)
A little holler on Beech Mountain, NC.
56.And finally, what's your philosophy of life in 100 words or less?