Thursday, February 24, 2005

Second Verse, Same as the First!

The next Blog Meme, ‘til I get back on my feet.

{{Current Events}}

Name three unique sounds you hear everyday.
My son cooing and laughing, my work computer chiming the hours in organ-like tones, and our furnace lighting up to send heat through the house.

You get out of bed in the morning. What’s the very first thing you do?
First I walk to the bathroom and pee. As I get older, I have discovered this gets more important.

What was the last meal you ate?
Pinto beans, fried potatoes and cornbread. The “Po’ Man’s Special”!

What’s the latest album in your collection?
Vinyl? I’d have to say it was a copy of U2’s The Joshua Tree. My last CD purchase was The Cure’s Mixed Up.

What were you doing exactly 10 minutes ago?
Cleaning the kitchen, and checking the cats’ food to make sure they weren’t starving.

After you finish this survey, what will you do?
I hope I’ll go to bed. If not, I’ll probably stay up and read some Hunter S. Thompson.

{{Gen Ed}}

What’s your favorite pun?
It’s a long joke (and if you know me, you’re saying to yourself “That figures”) that ends with the punchline “Don’t hatchet your count before he chickens.”

What is the absolute maddest you have ever been?
It would have to be when I found out the first woman I really fell for in college was dating the out-of-town director whose show I was in. A bit petty and childish, looking back, but it got a lot off my chest.

What’s the most common thing someone says to you when you tell them your major/what you do for a living? What’s the weirdest thing anyone’s ever said?
The most common response is “Sooo, have you gone to Hollywood/New York yet?” I can’t think of the weirdest thing regarding my career choice; However, I can thing of hundreds of weird things people said to me at theatre parties.

What’s the one food that people claim to love and, for the life of you, you can’t understand why?
For me, it’s mayonnaise. White gooshy stuff that comes in a jar, or worse yet, a SQUEEZE bottle. *douche chills*

What’s the shittiest thing an ex-lover has ever said to you? An EX-lover? Well, considering I never really had a lover until Kathy, I can’t exactly speak to that. However, I CAN relate the parting words of one former crush I had: “Call me when you have something interesting to say.”

What do you do to take the edge off a really crappy day?
Kiss the boy, hug the wife, pet the cat.

Forget all that bullshit about living without regret. What’s the one thing you’ve done that you really would take back if you could?
I regret not going to UNC when I was 13 years old. I decided that I wanted to stay with my age peers in order to be “normal”. And see how I turned out?

Which cancelled TV show would you most like to see reinstated?
MST3K, no question. I miss Saturdays with Joel/Mike and the ‘bots.

What’s the most fun thing to do on a leather couch?
I like to rub my hand on them and make farty sounds. Then I blame it on the dog.

{{What if…}}

You can make one item of clothing illegal. What would you ban?
Culottes! You’re either shorts or a skirt. Make up your freakin’ MIIIIINNNNND!!!!

You’re trapped in a horror movie. Which one is it and why?
Alien, and I’d probably be John Hurt.

You happen upon two people gettin’ busy in public. Do you avert your eyes or enjoy the show? I’d probably pick up a newspaper and pretend to read it, stealing a look once in a while to see the “disgusting” PDA”.

You’re a circus performer. What kind?
In a circus, I’d probably be one of the clowns. In a carnival, I’d be one of the freaky-deaky ride operators.

You can be a guest on any TV show. Which one and why?
The Daily Show, no question. Because I could stand talking at least seven minutes with John Stewart. And hanging with Helms, Corddry, Bee, Black, and Colbert—I mean Ted Hitler.

You’re a professional wrestler. Pick your entrance music.
"War Ensemble" by Slayer.

You have thirty seconds to live. What do you do?
Soil myself. Find a toilet. Wipe myself just in time to hear the asteroid impact, and utter the same words that so many others in the world will utter that last second: “Aww, shi…”

{{Expand on that}}

Please name the one thing members of your gender do that makes you want to get a sex change.
I have seen so many men treat their women like absolute crap that it makes me want to become a woman, just so I could become a lesbian.

Describe the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger.
Once, when my college theatre group was having its annual awards banquet at a local watering hole, a man wandered into the ceremony as I was making a presentation. He began thanking me for what I did, and telling us all how he had served in the Army, and blablablablabla, and ended his cameo by kissing me and saying “I love you, man.” Then he just walks away.

Share your thoughts on Valentine’s Day.
It was always sucky for my until 2002, my first one with Kathy.

Explain why every commercial in central Illinois has to have a jingle.
People v. Dumbass Jingle Writers, Illinois Supreme Court, 4/20/69

Follow-up: Write a jingle to advertise your Xanga site.
Go to Clint’s/
Xanga site/
it could update/
in the next fortnight. (don’t hold your breaaaaaaaaath)

For those of us that like poetry, try to persuade the non-poetry lovers why it’s great. You non-poetry lovers, persuade us to put down those volumes of verse.
As a lover of poetry, I have to assent to Ombra that it can get you laid. My first sexual experience actually came about because of a poem.


Brandon or Dylan:
Brandon. He’s just so cuddly! Hee-hee-hee.

Zappa or Beefheart?
Are you kidding? Zappa!!!

Most annoying voice: Gilbert Gottfried or Fran Drescher?
Drescher, by a mile. Although to her credit, she’s never lent her voice to that of an insurance-hawking duck.

With cereal: Lots of milk or just a little?
Enough to come within eyesight through the cereal, and then it’s Breakfast Time!!

Go to the opera or listen to all six discs of the Loggins & Messina anthology?
Opera. I’ve gained such an appreciation for it since I met Kathy. Living with a soprano-in-training will do that to you.

Billie Holiday or Janis Joplin?
I won’t choose, out of deferences to two of the most heart-wrenching voices of the previous century.

Ice cream: cone or cup?
Cone. Waffle cone. Chocolate-coated waffle cone!

Who’s funnier: Conan O’Brien or Jon Stewart?
Aiiieeee! Must I make a choice? All right, I pick Stewart, by a whisper of a margin.

{{Body parts}}

Which one is longer: your big toe or your second toe?
My second toe is longer, but my big toe could probably kick its metaphorical ass.

If someone asked you to do a “stupid human trick” (Like on David Letterman, for those that watch it. They’re weird bodily talents, for those that don’t know), what would you do?
I’d bend my index finger into a position that makes it look like it’s broken.

Which finger do you think is the most dispensable? Pinky. I say let’s genetically engineer that sucker out of the gene pool and become Simpsonic in the 22nd Century.

Please list any injuries you have sustained during sex/sexual acts.
*WARNING! TMI alert forthcoming!*
Well, it actually happened right after sex, but I think it’ll still count. I was still, umm, excited, but I had to take a wicked piss. I went to the toilet, began my elimination round, when all of a sudden BAM! I sprained my weenie.

What normal bodily function do you find most interesting?
The sneeze. It can be delicate, brutal, life-affirming and deadly; sometimes all at once.

Which activity could you go without for the longest: showering, brushing your teeth, or shaving?
Shaving, definitely. Although I should probably do it a bit more often.
{{That’s all folks}}

In the movie about your life, what song is playing during the credits?
“Stand” by REM. Yeah, I know I’m ripping it off from Chris Elliott’s “Get a Life” series (remember that?), but I like it. Bleh!

What’s one song you want played at your funeral?
“The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground.

What’s the last sentence in your favorite book?
”Okay, baby, hold tight,” said Zaphod. “We’ll take in a quick bite at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.”

List three items you would have buried with you when you die.
My wedding ring, a photo of my family, and my Bill the Cat doll.

What would your epitaph say?
“Hey, back off buddy! This seat is taken!”

Who would you most like to haunt as a ghost? I'd like to haint paris Hilton and drive her into a convent for the rest of her life.

{{Brownie points}}

If you were going to dedicate a love song to The Sibyl, which one would it be and why?
Yikers! I think I would have to sing “Sorry I Am” by Ani DiFranco. I don’t know The_Sibyl, but that’s just such a beautiful, melancholy, and open song.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Braaaaain!

Wow! it's been a while, eh? A bit too long for my liking, but oh well. Anyway, much has happened in the past few months since I blogged last; for a partial list of these occurences, please see my wifey's blog.

In any event, I thought I'd take it easy by starting with a meme. Another one will follow sometime this weekend. Enjoy, y'all!

Courtesy Ombra

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?

I looked, and I have about 3 gigs worth here on my work computer.

2. The last CD you bought was...

Yoiks! For myself? I think it was a live Pearl Jam CD set.

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

I believe it was "The Blood", by The Cure.

4. Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

1. "Midnight Radio", from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Inspirational as all Hell, and rocks to boot.

2. "Paranoid Android" by Radiohead. I like the dynamic changes to the song.

3. "Temptation" by Tom Waits. Significant in that Kathy sang it for a cabaret at Horn the summer we met, and accompanied herself on ukelele. I knew then and there that I had to be with this woman.

4. "Country Feedback" by R.E.M. I heard them perform this in concert ten years ago, and believed then that it was their greatest song ever. In fact, I still do.

5. "Purple Rain" by Prince. For private reasons.

5. What 3 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?

I hope Kathy will pick it up. After that, I dunno.